The clouds and confusion are clearing a bit. Not to say that things are yet perfectly spelled out for me, but I am beginning to get a sense of direction. Haven’t heard the word “Go!” just yet but I believe it’s coming. Yay! Kind of.
There is one little personal revelation I’ve been confronted with that is less than “yay-worthy”. I’m a people pleaser. (Pause so that those who know me well can insert a “Duh!”.) Mom’s love this quality in a toddler since it makes for an easy to discipline/control child. In an adult? Not such a good thing.
I am naturally a “demonstrative” worshipper. Hands raised, eyes closed, maybe the feet moving just a bit (won’t actually say “dancing” – we ARE talking about church here people!). I’ve even found myself kneeling if the Spirit so moves. This type of worship reaction doesn’t always go over so well in some churches. Just a side note – those of a more reserved worship nature can find their particular bent rather unwelcome in certain churches. Let’s just say we churchgoing folk can get really worked up about those who do or don’t worship like us!
I’ve been very convicted in the last 24 hours or so that ONE of the hindrances – only one, there are others – I need to deal with is the fact that I have ignored the leading of the Spirit lately because I’m afraid people will talk if I raise my hands or close my eyes or move my feet. I shouldn’t worry what they think, right? I should act as the Spirit leads, right? Right, and right. But I still struggle. As a Pastor’s wife (and former Pastor’s kid) I know how it will lay out if people are unhappy with me. They won’t come to me and try to understand my motives better. They will either bad-mouth me to one another or, even worse, go gripe to my husband. Not sure why they do that. Do they think it’s his job to rein me in?! He’s an amazing man and I love him more than life but that’s not a job for him. Trust me!
So I’ve reached a point where I can pray a little more specifically, with a little more awareness of what the Spirit is asking of me. The journey is far from over and all the lessons far from completely learned. But this one piece is something I can begin to deal with right now!