I did something really stupid. Not stupid enough to put anyone in danger of physical harm. Just stupid. Ran ahead with a plan that wasn’t the right one for me. And boy did I pay for it.
See, I’ve had this dream for years regarding a theater company that “specializes” in small cast musicals. Basically, that means shows with 12 people or less. In the last 18 months I have found myself talking about this dream repeatedly and things had slowly started to happen that led me to believe I might actually see this dream come true.
But that has nothing to do with my act of stupidity. Well, not directly.
Due to a complete communications glitch, I assumed that hubby wanted something from that he didn’t necessarily want. Okay, it wasn’t so much a glitch as it was me assuming something and not discussing it with him so he could clarify! I ended up sending in my resume and application for a job based on that assumption, as well as pressure from others who thought they knew what was right for me.
THAT was the stupid part. Here’s the thing – doors had opened to pursue this theater dream of mine that must have been pushed open by a divine hand. After much prayer, I was convinced that God was saying, “Yep. The theater thing. That’s the direction to go.” And somewhere along the line, I started making decisions in my limited, human “wisdom” and applied for a job without God leading me to it. I forgot something very important –
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.”
Yes, I know that this was originally spoken to the nation of Israel. But I’m convicted and convinced that there is a truth here to be gleaned for me too.
Once I sent that resume and application in, things got VERY unsettled for me personally. Nightmares, moments of panic, just feeling spiritually beaten down. I vented to my wonderfully understanding hubby for a good two hours one night. I had become almost frantic due to the fact that I was praying over the situation and hearing . . . well, . . . nothing.
Hubby’s response was interesting – “Maybe God has already made it clear what he wants and he isn’t going to repeat himself because he is waiting for you to get on track.” Huh. I’ve chewed over that since he said it. I was so busy mulling it over that I completely stopped stressing over the application thing and ceased all efforts to see what, if anything, was going to happen there. And I began thinking about my dream again. And working on the dream again. Somewhere along the line, I remembered the truth of that Jeremiah passage.
Today I had the first meeting to bring my dream to life. Since then, three others have jumped on board to help make it happen and, thanks to the actions of a friend, I have another meeting for another piece of the puzzle next week. It’s moving forward faster than I expected. The lesson is kind of obvious to me – once I STOPPED trying to make something else happen, what God wanted to happen started coming together faster than I could have dreamed.
Here’s hoping I won’t forget this lesson and have to learn it AGAIN.