I’ve started and deleted this post a number of times. I try very hard to be diplomatic in the things I say here. Sometimes I vent a bit but I try DESPERATELY never to name names or vent exceedingly personal things here when they can be better handled by a private journal or a face-to-face discussion with a specific person. Sometimes this means that I have to go overboard to make it clear that particular post is not about any one person specifically. Such is the case here – this is strictly about ME and a question I cannot seem to answer on my own.
I’m caught in a challenging place and I’m not sure how to handle it. I’m hoping that by sharing it here I will have some clarity at the end or at least a better sense of “why”. Who knows? Someone who reads this may have a brilliant insight to share that will solve everything! (Hey – a girl can dream, can’t she?!)
Confucius has been credited with saying, “Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life.”
I’ve always wondered about that saying. I enjoyed moments in my jobs but can’t say that I have ever loved the jobs I’ve done. With one exception – theater. Nothing compares to the thrill of either getting up in front of an audience or spending weeks directing/choreographing a show and watching it come to life on opening night! Unfortunately, I figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up after I had already obtained a degree in another field.
At present I am holding down three part-time jobs, only one of them in the world of the performing arts (I absolutely love accompanying the FDSH choirs!). I have the opportunity to volunteer my time with the color guard at the local high school as they work on their fall show and I am loving the chance to work with and get to know those young ladies! But I went into it knowing it was a volunteer thing.
Stage Door Productions – a theater company specializing in small cast musicals with a summer youth theater program (and a dream of mine for 2 decades!) – is finally coming to life (our premiere event is in January 2014!) but no paycheck from that adventure (yet – the hope is to eventually change that). But it’s something I’ve wanted to do for so many years that I have to see it through now that I’ve been given the chance!
So here is the challenge – the things I MOST enjoy right now, the things that bring me the strongest sense of accomplishment, the things that most make me feel that I am functioning according to my basic design, do not offer a paycheck. I’ve been taught to have a strong work ethic for as long as I can remember and feel obligated to give the best of my energy and efforts to those ventures that are providing a paycheck right now. I want to provide financially and I don’t want to lose time with my family. So how far do I go to help my dream take flight? I am surrounded by AMAZING friends who have agreed to be on the Board of Directors for Stage Door. It’s such a rush to have friends who not only encourage you to chase your dreams but who also come alongside you and make the chase their own. But the dream is mine so I need to be a part of the process of getting this venture up and running. Unfortunately, the part-time jobs sap so much of my energy that there isn’t much left at the end of the day!
It’s the eternal problem of the mom who works outside the home – how does a woman balance work, family, and home without completely giving up on her dreams?