On this day – August 15 – 26 years ago, my life was irrevocably altered. Forever.
On that day I became a mother. My body was cut open, a completely independent, unique individual was delivered through that most welcome scar, and my husband said, “It’s a girl.”
And EVERYTHING changed.
I discovered that I possessed a larger capacity for love than I had ever imagined. I could stare at her sleeping face for hours and not get bored.
I discovered that I was willing to do anything to protect her. The first time another child pushed her down to take a toy away, I was willing, just for a second, to cause that child severe pain in defense of my duckling.
I discovered that I could hear the change in her breathing when sound asleep and once it woke me, I wouldn’t sleep for hours out of fear that something was wrong.
Her laughter could make my breath catch in my throat and her sticky-faced kisses were the best part of my day. And the first time she smiled at me?! Tears were shed.
She got older and the teen years proved to be a challenge. She was trying to find her own way, spread her wings a bit, explore a bigger portion of the world. And I was still trying to keep her safe. Maybe trying a little too hard.
Adulthood. This is where parenting gets hard. Elizabeth Stone said it best –
Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
Moving away from home, having her own daughter . . . that little bundle of joy-beyond-understanding has done both of those things. She’s well-respected at her work, has regular clients that prefer to work with her over others, knows what she believes and lives by it and has recently become a mother. Watching her love on that precious little girl who made me a grandma?! There are no words.
Most days I breathe a huge sigh of relief and say a quick prayer of thanksgiving that I didn’t screw up too terribly. And I will forever be humbly grateful that I was the one lucky enough to get to be “mom” to such a stellar human being.