random thoughts

At a Loss For Words

There are times I open up the “new post” window in this blog and type in a few words and then . . . I’m stuck.  The problem varies from time to time.

  • I’m not sure that others will understand what I am trying to say.
  • I’m not exactly sure what I’m trying to say!
  • I can’t find a way to say that wouldn’t call others out and I’m not willing to use this blog to attack others.
  • I’m still working on the same life lesson and I am a little embarrassed to have people think that I’m “stuck”.
  • My thoughts are random and don’t link together for one cohesive post.

You get the idea.  So I keep thinking through things, coming up with ideas for the blog and then rejecting them for one of the reasons listed above (or others!) and then three weeks have gone by with no post!

Today I’m going to bite the bullet and throw the random thoughts together the reader sort it all out!

My twenty year dream of a musical theater company that specializes in small cast musicals will come to life this Saturday with the launch event of Stage Door Productions.  I’m all over the place emotionally and can’t decide if I want to throw a party or just throw up!

I’ve had some personal insights into some “rough spots” in my life.  Nothing profound or life-altering but it did help with perspective and provided some focus!

I’m examining my volunteer commitments and may be altering that part of my life.  All the causes I’m a part of are great – they just may not be right for me at this time.

 Trying to find ways to get creative in the music classroom when it is uncomfortably cold!  I have a corner room, two walls of windows and NONE of them seal well so I have a serious draft in my room and we’ve had many more sub-zero days than above zero days.  The students FREEZE when they come to music and there is nothing I can do about it.  (To say nothing of the fact that I’m in there for four hours and am a bit chilled myself!)

So there it is!  The bizarre world of my random thoughts laid out in sound bytes!  Hopefully I will get one decent thought going SOON for a more cohesive post!

Trust me

Trust.

That word has occupied MUCH of my thinking time lately.  What does it look like?  How do you prove it?

How do you overcome the fear that may get in it’s way?!

I’m not ready just yet to divulge the specific circumstances that have the concept of trust at the forefront of my brain.  Suffice it to say, that I know I’m being called to trust God in one specific way and it’s a little scary.  It means doing something I don’t really want to do.  I don’t understand why and, to sound just a tiny bit whiny, I don’t like it!

If you were to ask me if I trust God, I would say yes.  But words are cheap.  What does that “trust” look like?  If I say that I trust someone to do a task I have given them and then I constantly nag them about the task, questioning their strategy, correcting their method, do I really trust them?!  Should trust come with action?

Then there is the fear.  Sometimes trusting people means giving them access to parts of your heart that are easily broken.  Scary stuff.

If you read this far hoping for something profound . . . sorry. Still chewing on this whole concept.  not sure where I’m going to end up.  The ride sure is intense though!