Changing a Mindset

I’m often baffled by the young people I work with.  Specifically the young women.  I see beauty and grace and talent . . . you get the idea.  So when I get a peek at the insecurity they each battle I’m a touch confused.  But I really shouldn’t be.  I’m in my mid-40’s and struggle EVERY DAY with not feeling pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough . . . so rather than try to talk them out of the exact same feelings I battle, I’m going to work on myself first.

I hate having my picture taken.  Despise it.  Always have.  A bout of Bell’s Palsy 14 years ago left me with a “weird” smile and made me even more self-conscious about looks that I thought weren’t terribly appealing to begin with.

Today I start to beat back those personal demons.  I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world.  I’m okay with that.  I’ve got stretch marks from four pregnancies and the droop on the right side of my face will never go away.  I’m okay with all of that as well.  Yes, I should get in better physical shape but I have to learn to like myself – love myself – regardless of the outward appearance first.  Fix the mental state and maybe I’ll believe I deserve to be fit!  So here they are.  Selfies.  I almost never take them but the purchase of a phone upgrade inspired some bravery.  I’m not looking for positive feedback, believe me.  Just putting these out there to say that I’m working to become comfortable enough with my own appearance that I will stop hiding from the camera!

IMAG0003 IMAG0011