I am reblogging some past thoughts about the “weirdness” of life as a Pastor’s wife. If you missed part 1, you can catch it here. Read on for Part 2!
Are you ready for part 2? I’ll be honest – this one could be tough. Are you sure you are ready? Okay – here goes.
Say “Thank you”. Often
Sound simple? Or maybe a little ridiculous?
Let me explain why it matters. Your pastor is on duty 24/7. Literally every day of the year. Sure, he may take a vacation. But I assure you that if a major crisis came up – for example, the death of a church member or an illness that put them in serious condition – there is a strong chance that your pastor (and his family) will lose their vacation so he can be there for the person in crisis. Those big family holidays that so many choose to visit family for? Your pastor can’t exactly do that. He has to work on Christmas Eve, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day. . . you get the idea. In the last post I mentioned the fact that a Pastor and his family may live several hours away from extended family. If he’s working Christmas Eve and the family lives several hours away (in our case, 10 or 17 depending on which family we would visit) he will either have to fly ($$$) or spend most of Christmas Day driving. His family too.
I’ve had date nights cancelled because a church family member had been rushed to the hospital. Other dates have been interrupted (sometimes repeatedly) when we ran into members of the congregation around town and hubby stopped to chat. Same goes for family outings. It’s just the nature of the “business”.
And Sunday? Craziest day of the week in my house! I was once chatting with another pastor’s wife when someone joined our conversation. Somehow we got on to the topic of Sunday and this third person made the comment about Sunday being a day for slowing down and spending time with family. My pastor-wife friend and I looked at one another for a moment and, at the exact same moment, burst out laughing. Sunday is pretty much the complete opposite of slow and family-focused in my house! Most pastor’s families would say the same thing. I love hearing my hubby preach so that’s the trade-off for me. But he is busy working, connecting with church members, etc. from the moment he arrives in the building (before 8 a.m.) until we get home four hours later(or thereabouts).
In every congregation, there is that one person who is just never completely happy with the pastor (or his spouse or his kids) and is very willing to let the pastor know when he or a family member has failed to meet expectations. My hubby once got a complaint because my son was slouching in church. My son runs the computer that is hooked up to the projector and it sits on the pew next to him so sometimes he slides down in the pew to be able to see the screen and click the arrows at the right time. To me, griping about slouching is silly and petty but hubby still has to field those complaints and I’m so grateful he does!
I’m not sharing any of this to gain sympathy or point fingers. There is no other profession that I know of that requires a person to be on-call, ready to go at a moment’s notice 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. In a discussion with other pastor’s wives about this very issue, one of the women said, “Since we can’t change the 24/7 demands of the job, what do you think would make it easier?” There was a moment of silence until one of the wives spoke up and said, “Thank you.” We looked at her, confused, until she explained: “It would be nice for hubby or the family to hear a ‘thank you’ now and then. I’m not looking for more money or more days off. Just some appreciation.”
Want to ease the strain of a 24/7 on-call lifestyle for both your pastor and his family? Let them know how much you appreciate his willingness to be so available and how grateful you are for the families willingness to roll with the schedule changes that happen at a moment’s notice. A simple “Thank You” means more than you can possibly know.